One Last Ride for the McRib
Nobody has ever accused the McRib of being a culinary masterpiece. It is about as divisive as a Kanye West Tweet, pitting tree-huggers verse garbage people every year it is released. Just like a Kanye tweet, it sounds like this is the last year you’ll see one. I’ll come out and admit the problem right away, nobody eats these things. But the fire that fills my dad’s eyes, the passion at which he speaks of this ‘wich, it makes me sad to see it go. So how about a quick history lesson and hopefully we can all save this great American icon.
First, the history they don’t teach in your textbooks.
While edible, I wouldn’t necessarily consider McDonald’s items as food. I know they technically are, but it will mess your brain up if you let it make that connection. Plus, I don’t know if the science is really there to say if McDonald’s is good or bad for you. McDonald’s makes…let’s call them creations, and the monster’s that René “Frankenstein” Arend unleashed upon us all will go down in history. It all started in 1979 when René created the McNuggets, an item synonymous with the golden arches now a days. Although, by 1980 there wasn’t a system big enough to fill all the chicken needed to supply McDonald’s nationally. America demanded chicken nuggies, and René said, “How about pork?”
In 1981, after spending a year in his lab, Monsieur Arand returned with the McRib. It was a pork patty, formed to resemble a half rack of ribs sans the pesky bones that might get in the way. The McRib was also originally served with a clear hot sauce, aptly named…” McRib Hot Sauce.” Though it initially tested well in the Midwest, the McRib never latched on the same way as the McNuggets, and was eventually doomed to the seasonal, every-other year or so-ish release schedule we see now. But it really is a shame, because once you are past the cartoonish shape of the patty, or the fact that you don’t want pork, you are left with something boldly American.
It’s divisive and hard to stomach, just like most Americans. It has flavors and smells only tolerable in small doses, just like most Americans. But the most American thing this sandwich (created by a man born in Luxemburg) does, is not care. It doesn’t care that no other fast-food chain sells pork sandwiches successfully, it doesn’t even do that. It doesn’t even care that the comic book-esq design of the “rib-shaped” patty is actually more expensive than having it in a more conventional shape. The McRib doesn’t care if you like it or not, it exists so people like myself, my father, and my father’s father can all out ourselves as sick people that will eat whatever we can get our grubby little hands on.
In the immortal words of Rocky Balboa, “If I can change and you can change, everybody can change.” WELL, I don’t want to change. I want my machine-made swine sando shoveled in my mouth once a year. So, if all you CHILDREN could grow the hell up and order a McRib it would be great. I promise you; you will not die if you get something other than chicken fingers and Mac and Cheese. Try something new, it’s good for you dammit!